Sunday, 21 February 2016

How To Lose Weight In 4 Easy Steps!

quote [ Losing weight and getting fit has never been easier! Shed those unwanted pounds with these simple tricks your gym doesn't want you to know about. You won't believe what happens next! ]
[SFW] [health] [+9 Funsightful]
[by ScoobySnacks@1:43amGMT]


Bleb said @ 2:09am GMT on 21st Feb [Score:3 Underrated]
I remember reading this. Also, I'm on year three of that one-year plan.
rhesusmonkey said @ 5:18am GMT on 21st Feb
Yeah, was going to -1 Old, but they made a chintzy YouTube video of some guys earlier (written) rant. Hope he's getting some of the ad revenue from this...
mechavolt said[2] @ 1:11pm GMT on 21st Feb [Score:2]
Seeing as everyone else is posting their trials and tribulations, I guess I'll share mine.

Step 1. Join the military. Get as fit as you have ever been in your life.

Step 2. Quit the military. Rebel against all disciplined exercise. Gain 60 pounds slowly over 5 years, so you don't really notice it.

Step 3. Attend an academic conference. Realize the night before that the suit you wore 5 years ago no longer fits. Scramble to a Men's Warehouse to buy the cheapest ill-fitting suit you can find at the last second. Cry in self loathing.

Step 4. Start cooking healthier meals and get more active. Lose 15 pounds in a year.

Step 5. Celebrate your success with a few months of unhealthy eating. Gain 5 of those pounds back. Cry in self loathing.
HoZay said @ 3:59pm GMT on 21st Feb
It helps that you're 18 at step 1. No do-overs on that one.
mechavolt said @ 4:05pm GMT on 21st Feb
Joke's on you, I was 21! But that's part of an entirely different list of steps for "How to waste your young adulthood with poor life choices".
Dienes said @ 6:14pm GMT on 21st Feb
Welp looks like step 3 here. This hits a bit close to home.
HoZay said @ 7:10pm GMT on 21st Feb [Score:1 Insightful]
You hate to buy new clothes that fit the new you, cuz that's just giving up.
This shit is just temporary, soon I'll be back in those leather pants again.
Dienes said @ 8:04pm GMT on 21st Feb
Get out of my head, Charles.
midden said @ 2:08am GMT on 21st Feb [Score:1 Funsightful]
Step three is a little more complicated; first you gain 20-30 lbs before you start to lose them. I'm working on phase II of Step 3.
Bleb said @ 2:13am GMT on 21st Feb
I love cycling, but I also live in Canada and am a total pussy when it comes to cold weather. Every year I gain 30 pounds in the winter and then spend all summer burning it off. This year I vowed not to gain all that weight. I've put on 15 pounds. I'm calling that a victory.
snagUber said @ 8:04pm GMT on 21st Feb
come to Vancouver! mild weather! un-affordable housing! so wet you even forgot that sun exists!
mechanical contrivance said @ 1:26am GMT on 22nd Feb [Score:1 Underrated]
Step 1: Be born an ectomorph.
There is no step 2.
lilmookieesquire said @ 1:54am GMT on 21st Feb
Feb 2015: Step 3 check!
ithaqua10 said @ 2:30am GMT on 21st Feb
or Step 1 go to concert at night club that allows smoking, have bad asthma attack after returning home. Deal with symptoms for over a week with no relief in sight, despite using your inhaler.

Step 2 go see a doctor, who refers you to nutritionist who puts you on an 1800 calorie diet.

Step 3 have POS car finally die but in trying to limp it along, you spent all the money being saved to buy a replacement POS.

Step 4 live 4 miles from closest bus stop because you live in the area surrounding the birthplace of the automobile and said automotive giants lobbied and fought for years against any decent form of mass transit.

Step 5 drop weight so fast that they take you off diet before healthy habits truly set in.

Step 6 regain all of the weight and then some relatively quickly once you no longer have a job you have to walk 8 miles a day to go to and from.

midden said @ 3:00am GMT on 21st Feb [Score:2]
Step 7 The Aristocrats!
Isosceles_Lock said @ 3:51am GMT on 21st Feb
Lost 70, need to lose at least 70 more. Stalled atm, trader joes sesame cashews are NOT helping.
rhesusmonkey said @ 5:24am GMT on 21st Feb
I periodically go on Atkin-like dieting, which certainly works but can be expensive. Cheap (ish) way relying on fast food is fried chicken strips (remove the breading before eating). Also no soda / beer, but hey at least you can work on your wine snobbery.

Case in point i've dropped about 25 lbs since early October, and that's with Thanksgiving / Christmas normalcy. I hqve a sprog who weighs about that much, which makes for a great visualization. "You've lost enough mass to form another human".
Isosceles_Lock said @ 9:11am GMT on 21st Feb
Some 4ft gymrat looked at me like "ugh" today when I was trying to buy my ketoliucious cancer-dogs and I thought to myself "bitch I've shat* out more than you weigh"

(*yeah I know you breathe it out, but my way is more fun)
nitromaniac said @ 5:19am GMT on 21st Feb
Yeah, I've got the self-loathing and self-disgust thing down to a science.
arrowhen said @ 3:52pm GMT on 21st Feb
Step 1: Drink all the beer you want. You're going to die no matter what, so you might as well enjoy life while you can.

Step 2: Get up off your ass and go for a walk once in a while. Not to avoid being fat, but to avoid being lazy.
snagUber said @ 8:11pm GMT on 21st Feb
step 1: at 38 stop smoking and start running to prepare a marathon.
step 2: achieve it before being 40 and lose 40 pounds in the process
step 3: get an achilles injury, stop exercising and slowly get back to previous weight
step 4: finally go to physio who explains that injury was a simple fix. start exercising again. it's hard.
coffeejoejava said @ 3:14am GMT on 23rd Feb
That was awesome.

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