Reveal
As much as Peter enjoys sharing his bedroom with the Airfix Lancaster bomber he built as a lad, he finds this rather annoying as he is now in his early 30s. Peter has tried to leave home several times. When he went to university he lived in student digs. After two years of living without central heating while racking up �30,000 in student debt, he decided to move back home.
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His parents, Jenny and Timmy, weren�t altogether pleased by Peter�s return, as they had rather got used to having a house where the towels were always in the same place as they had left them. But Jenny and Timmy loved Peter very much and knew how hard things were for the young people of today.
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�Of course you can come back and live with us,� said Jenny and Timmy. �House prices have risen so quickly, we understand how difficult it is for you to afford your own home. When we were your age, we could buy this four-bedroomed house for �23,000. Mind you, saving for the deposit of �2,300 wasn�t at all easy, but luckily our parents were able to lend us �1,000.�
Peter nodded and went up to his room where he imagined his Lancaster bomber dropping its load on his parents� heads. Peter was sick to death of hearing how lucky his parents had been to get on the property ladder before house price inflation had got out of control. Peter was also annoyed that his sister, Jane, was also living back at home with �30k of student debt of her own.
One day, Peter got very excited. He had been offered a job as a trainee accountant at a salary of �21,000. �That�s tremendous,� said Timmy. �My first job only paid �4,175 per year. Perhaps now you will be able to find a flat to share with some of your friends.�
Peter became further in debt before the landlord evicted him. Which is how Peter came to be living at home yet again
Peter thought this was a good idea. Together with his friends Matthew and Susan, he went to an estate agent who showed them round a complete shithole that was more than an hour�s commute from where they all worked. �You�d better make your mind up quickly,� said the unfriendly estate agent, �because I have some other people who are very keen to snap it up.� Peter, Matthew and Susan immediately decided to hand over �3,000 as a deposit and rent advance. Peter�s share of �1,000 was almost everything he had managed to save in the past year.
For six months, Peter, Matthew and Susan quite enjoyed living in their shithole, even though they never had enough money to go out. Sadly for Peter, during this time Matthew and Susan fell in love, and because their parents were much richer than his, they were given �50,000 to help them buy their own house.
Because Peter was now quite depressed and drinking heavily, he was unable to find anyone willing to share the shithole with him. As a result, Peter got further in debt before the landlord evicted him. Which is how Peter came to be living at home yet again.
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By now Peter was so desperate he decided to have an awkward conversation with his parents. �You know I love you very much, Mummy and Daddy,� Peter said. �But you do realise you are sitting on a mortgage-free asset worth more than �450,000 and were you to sell up and downsize to somewhere you don�t really want to live, then you would be able to give me �50k as an advance on my inheritance so I can buy a house I don�t really like as well.
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�Better still, you could both try dying as soon as possible after the changes to inheritance tax come in next year. I would be very happy to take you to the doctor to have a do-not-resuscitate notice put on your medical notes.�
�That�s a very kind offer,� said Jenny and Timmy. �Unfortunately, we have already mortgaged ourselves up to the hilt to pay for your sister�s wedding and the rest we squandered on Viking River cruises. But at least you will always have a place to call home living with us.�
Peter went upstairs to decapitate his teddy. He now knew that, barring a miracle, he would be living at home for ever.
