I didn't even bother opening up the link....

It's actually a really good chili recipe.

I live in texas, I'm constantly tripping over good chili recipes.

Can anyone recommend a good substitute for placenta?

Tofenta.

You laugh but it is the vegan alternative.

Chicken livers, soaked in milk.

I think her analysis of Sindarin genitalia is way more complicated than it needs to be. I can think of several more plausible alternatives.

edit: well, not exactly too complicated; but I can think of explanations that don't resort to alien anatomy.

But what fun is that?

I like consenticles as much as anybody, but in this case it really stretches my suspension of disbelief. Especially since she was on such a promising track with the notion of anaphylactic shock as a means of enforcing fidelity, combined with the notion that something about female elves is required for males to achieve erection.

Consider: a primary physical symptom of an immune response is inflammation. So: guy elves can't get it up without an external chemical stimulus triggering an inflammatory response in their junk. Female elves secrete the necessary chemicals upon arousal, but variations between individuals means that unless the male has taken careful steps to acclimate himself over time to a specific female, the response is fatal anaphylaxis (or at least really unpleasant). Too much acclimation, though, and the male becomes totally immune and can't get it up once again. So he has to carefully balance and limit his exposure level over time to successfully have sex at all, if he even wants to bother.

It explains everything: low birthrates, enforced fidelity, inability to masturbate, why all crossbreeds have human fathers (who can achieve erection without chemical stimulus and who are sufficiently different genetically to be immune).

While you are arguably correct, your hypothesis would not have resulted in this glory:

I'm still salty I missed the chance to pick one of those up.

I wonder if being a elf-dildo designer is a great job or a horrible one.

I depends whether they keep you locked in the goblin mines or not.

Why would anyone mine for goblins?

Goblinite is a well-loved resource in Dwarf Fortress.

I laugh at imagining Token seeing his hard work reduced (expanded?) to a set of books with an (elf?) dildo.

Also,

"Other than that, I wrote a giant essay about elf dicks while drunk, but this does not make me an expert in actual elf dicks and my opinion should not be the thing you cling to. More like... the thing you hold at arm's length between thumb and middle finger while looking for the garden hose."