Saturday, 30 November 2019

I Am a Lifestyle Domme, AMA

quote [ This is a reverse askSE. I am a lifestyle Domme. This is not the same thing as a Dominatrix. It is not a fetish for me. It is a sexual orientation. Anything else would feel as wrong as being as a homosexual engaging in heterosexual relations. ]

Curious how it works? About my process for screening and training subs? My journey to discovering my sexual identity? My perspective on BDSM relationships? Ask Me Anything.
[NSFW] [crime & punishment] [+8 Informative]
[by snowfox]
<-- Entry / Comment History

5th Earth said @ 11:31pm GMT on 30th November
Hey, continuing from the shoutbox here. Re: masculinity = control:

I agree that masculinity and control are closely linked in our culture, but I also think that our culture actively ignores and discounts feminine forms of control, which can be just as powerful drives for women as they are for men. Housekeeping, self-beautification, the classic hollywood girl-cliques, etc. are all expressions of control. Anorexia, a classically feminine disorder, is significantly driven by an unhealthy obsession with self-control. Women may be proscribed in the ways they are "allowed" to express control in our culture, but they are just as capable of seeking it and expressing it.

So I disagree that an emotional attachment with the concept of "control" is necessarily a uniquely masculine trait, and so I disagree that when I (a male sub) desire to relinquish control, is inherently a rebellion against masculine ideals. At least, it doesn't feel that way to me. I'm certainly not doing it as a release from my "normal" lifestyle, because I'm generally not a very dominant or controlling person anyway. But like I said before, this is all operating a conscious level, and by definition I don't know what's going on subconsciously.

Question: the impression I've gotten from my experience in the community is that though the stereotypical BDSM relationship is a dominant woman and a submissive man, straight dominant women are actually rather less common than the cliche would suggest. Is that also your observation or do you disagree?


5th Earth said @ 11:35pm GMT on 30th November
Hey, continuing from the shoutbox here. Re: masculinity = control:

I agree that masculinity and control are closely linked in our culture, but I also think that our culture actively ignores and discounts feminine forms of control, which can be just as powerful drives for women as they are for men. Housekeeping, self-beautification, the classic hollywood girl-cliques, etc. are all expressions of control. Anorexia, a classically feminine disorder, is significantly driven by an unhealthy obsession with self-control. Women may be proscribed in the ways they are "allowed" to express control in our culture, but they are just as capable of seeking it and expressing it.

So I disagree that an emotional attachment with the concept of "control" is necessarily a uniquely masculine trait, and so I disagree that when I (a male sub) desire to relinquish control, is inherently a rebellion against masculine ideals. At least, it doesn't feel that way to me. I'm certainly not doing it as a release from my "normal" lifestyle, because I'm generally not a very dominant or controlling person anyway. But like I said before, this is all operating a conscious level, and by definition I don't know what's going on subconsciously.

Questions: the impression I've gotten from my experience in the community is that though the stereotypical BDSM relationship is a dominant woman and a submissive man, straight dominant women are actually rather less common than the cliche would suggest. Is that also your observation or do you disagree?

How do you feel about the use of written forms when negotiating a scene/relationship? There are all sorts of kink checklists, consent forms, etc. floating around. Do you like them or prefer a less formalized approach?



<-- Entry / Current Comment
5th Earth said @ 11:31pm GMT on 30th November
Hey, continuing from the shoutbox here. Re: masculinity = control:

I agree that masculinity and control are closely linked in our culture, but I also think that our culture actively ignores and discounts feminine forms of control, which can be just as powerful drives for women as they are for men. Housekeeping, self-beautification, the classic hollywood girl-cliques, etc. are all expressions of control. Anorexia, a classically feminine disorder, is significantly driven by an unhealthy obsession with self-control. Women may be proscribed in the ways they are "allowed" to express control in our culture, but they are just as capable of seeking it and expressing it.

So I disagree that an emotional attachment with the concept of "control" is necessarily a uniquely masculine trait, and so I disagree that when I (a male sub) desire to relinquish control, is inherently a rebellion against masculine ideals. At least, it doesn't feel that way to me. I'm certainly not doing it as a release from my "normal" lifestyle, because I'm generally not a very dominant or controlling person anyway. But like I said before, this is all operating a conscious level, and by definition I don't know what's going on subconsciously.

Questions: the impression I've gotten from my experience in the community is that though the stereotypical BDSM relationship is a dominant woman and a submissive man, straight dominant women are actually rather less common than the cliche would suggest. Is that also your observation or do you disagree?

How do you feel about the use of written forms when negotiating a scene/relationship? There are all sorts of kink checklists, consent forms, etc. floating around. Do you like them or prefer a less formalized approach?




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