I'm cis, but my adult son is a trans man. He lives in a solid blue state with his cis gay fiance. I'm with the military, and they're moving me to Texas. I'd love my kid and partner to visit me, but I'm concerned about their safety there. What advice do you have?

FtM for better or worse get ignored and tend to pass, it's MtF the right are after. AMAB people are seen as a threat and AFAB people are a joke. Odds of running into trouble are basically nil unless you seek it out or gather in a large group that could be easily targeted by some random lunatic. If you're really worried, get a gun. Brass knuckles. Switch blade. Shuriken. Once we legalized open carry and permitless conceal carry, we just opened the gates to all sorts of weapons we banned. No one will be any safer as a result but with any luck the ER visit spike will make us reconsider why lawn darts are banned.

I just really want lawn darts. The original kind. It should be my right as an American to possibly lodge one of those in my skull.

Our issue is legal rights, doctors, and courts, but right now they are targeting minors, not adults, and not people who have already transitioned and changed their sex marker on their ID. I would worry more about gun safety errors.

Tasteless good faith is my middle name: Where did they get the flesh to make your penis, and how does getting an erection work?

I haven't done that procedure yet but there are three places it can come from. Most common are underarm and thigh, but there is a newer method that uses the lower back. All of this is built on the substantial bottom growth that occurs on HRT. Then there are three primary means for creating function, all of which were developed for cis men originally. There is a flexible rod. It is the cheapest and most durable but it does not achieve true flaccidity, which matters for passing. The other two involve a saline reservoir and pump that fill a tube in the neophallus. One is a single pump and reservoir in one, the other separates the two and hides equipment in the pelvis. If you want links to surgical literature I've read, I can dig those up.

Mazel tov! Is this your first coming out to SE-at-large, or did I miss an earlier announcement?

Thanks! I came out in the shout box to practice coming out in general. I made the decision two years ago, announced it a year ago, and am now working on my transition starting with binding, social transition, and HRT. This is honestly the happiest I have ever been.

Speaking of social transition, how's that been?

Good! I weeded out the awful people long ago so everyone is supportive. One or two people were confused but I think everyone else always knew. My late grandparents asked when I was 19 if I was saving up for a sex change.

I remember all the times a desk person or someone on the phone heard my voice and called me sir. It always made me so stupidly happy. My doctor and businesses I trust all know so I get to be Mr and sir. I love it. Ms. and ma'am always made me squirm but I didn't know how to tell people I'd rather be called a swearword than that.

Has your voice changed? Do you sound like Robert Goulet now?

Not yet. I already had a voice in the male tone range and these things are slower for older people.

How did you know you were trans?

I never liked or wanted to be a girl and puberty was sheer hell. Parts I didn't want, forced to be what I wasn't. I've known since I was at least 4 years old. That was the first time I remember feeling crushing despair at being forced to be a girl and having no power to change it.

I heard another trans person say the same thing.

The theory behind it is that age 4 is when you realize your sex is assigned and won't just change. Before that you think you could grow up to be a t-rex or a firetruck so becoming a boy or girl isn't far-fetched, especially because little kids have no obvious secondary sex traits. Gender is literally your haircut, clothes, toys, and what cartoons you watch. Age 4 is when the battle begins and your gender is at odds with the sex everyone tells you that you are. The gendered expectations also start getting more intense every year thereafter. Blocks aren't gendered, and onesies are gendered by color and print, but then you get to dolls and action figures, dresses and pants.

Have you started peeing standing up?

That would be messy. I want to try stand-to-pee packers but all forums on the matter say it's a 50/50 shot of wetting your pants. We'll see how it works out. But I do pee openly outside in the forest my house is on.

I've seen porn like that.

Has HRT affected the way you think? Have your interests changed, or your outlook on the world?

No. I was already into video games, ranch sorting, and staring at wildlife. Autism may play a part in that. I don't agree with the assessment necessarily but it's been known as "extreme male brain". I was always told I think like a guy. It wasn't the compliment they meant it to be but it was nice all the same.

Alternately, I have taken so many blows to the head and am on so much depression and anxiety medication that I will always be an outlier that should be excluded from statistics.

I can say that even just coming out and binding made me so much happier and less neurotic. It gave me hope that had been missing for a long time. A chance to work towards being the man I want to be, a chance I never had before.

From what I've seen, if anything not having anxiety, autism, and depression would make you the outlier in the trans community.
And also hypermobile joints for some reason among the trans femmes.

I have joint hypermobility. I have no anecdota from the FtM community on that one. Passing is a blessing and curse in the sense that we can and do go stealth but it means we lack representation and our people drop out of the community. MtF has a more persistent community and representation. It had often been bad representation but I knew it existed when I was a child in the 90s. It wasn't until I was an adult and read an article in something like GQ or Esquire about Buck Angel that I really knew FtM was possible or could ever hope to pass.

I do know from neurodivergent communities I'm in that we tend to be queer in all sorts of ways but most AFAB persons I encounter are nonbinary... though again that could be the stealth bias in play.

Another data point. Thank youi very interesting.
I'll have to ask all the transmascs that I know if they have hypermobility.
As far as I'm aware they are all autistic, but only one of them has the joint mobility. But they have it to the point of disability, so it's more obvious.
As far as I'm aware none of the trans folks I have met have Klinefelter, which all the doctors seem to jump to when they hear someone is GNC and stretchy.

I do definitely think the autism lends itself to people being more open minded to the idea that they might be queer. Makes gender just seem like another social contruct that everyone else just takes for granted and doesn't question.

Tangentially, why so many blows to the head?

I have led an exciting life. Most are sports related, one of the worst ones was a driver who t-boned me. That one made me forget words and names I knew and used earlier that day. They weren't gone but the short path to them was. It was a slow process of going down root concept and word trees to get back to them.

Well that's cracking good news!
What is something you had not anticipated or expected about transitioning ?

How happy it would make me. I did a lot of research so I knew a lot about what to expect. I knew other people had experienced a sharp increase in quality of life but it was still surprising how much my issues were driven or impacted by gender dysphoria. The background radiation in my life was apparently one chernobyl.

Well that's wholesome af
I'm glad you have found such happiness my dude

This is what I look like these days. Looking forward to someday being able to grow a goatee.

Astrophotography?

Photographing the recent eclipse. Got some good shots despite the clouds.