Monday, 21 July 2014

Why I Stopped Watching Porn And So Should You

quote [ I don?t like to admit it, but I used to watch a lot of porn. Until recently, I was visiting a pornographic website on a daily basis, and it quickly became a habit that was negatively affecting every aspect of my life. Then one day, I decided to quit watching porn completely, and right away my life started to turn around. ]

I have to admit I was skeptical, but by the end I was sold!

I don?t like to admit it, but I used to watch a lot of porn. Until recently, I was visiting a pornographic website on a daily basis, and it quickly became a habit that was negatively affecting every aspect of my life. Then one day, I decided to quit watching porn completely, and right away my life started to turn around.

After just one week without porn, I had more energy than I?d had in years?I wasn?t staying up late watching videos on PornHub, so I was going to bed at a decent hour, and waking up feeling rested and ready to take on the day. After two weeks, my girlfriend and I had rediscovered the spark in our relationship, I gained the ability to see in the dark, and I was exercising regularly for the first time since college. After three weeks without watching porn, I was in the best shape of my life, I was hovering three feet off the ground at all times, and I could heal the sick and wounded with my thoughts.

I owe it all to quitting porn.

Seriously, my life has completely changed. Ever since I stopped watching porn, I?ve been able to concentrate more at the office, and slow down or speed up the flow of time at my command. Over the past several months, I?ve become one of the most effective people in the office, and lightning now strikes me once every hour, even when there isn?t a single rain cloud in the sky. It?s no coincidence that these changes began once I stopped spending all of my alone time in front of the computer watching porn.

My love life has improved as well. I used to have trouble relating to my girlfriend on an emotional level, but once I stopped watching porn, I developed the ability to absorb the life force of another human being and merge it with my own?so now my girlfriend and I have fused into a singular entity! I have subsumed her physical and spiritual essence into my omnipotent porn-free form, and now her feelings are mine, as are her childhood memories. We?ve never been closer!

If you watch porn, I urge you to consider stopping. Your life will change in ways you can?t even imagine. If you want a deeper emotional connection with your significant other, or a third eye that sees angels screaming in agony, or to constantly dream of a massive pyramid on a distant planet with a mysterious voice saying, ?This is your home now,? you really have to give it a shot. I did, and I experienced all these things and more.

I?ll never go back to watching porn. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn?t be able to, because my body generates a powerful magnetic field that destroys the hard drive of any computer within a two-mile radius. In many ways, I have become like a god, yet ironically the only thing I cannot control is my own unbridled power. It?s awesome. Everything I touch turns into a white dove that flies into the sky before swiftly disintegrating in a ball of flames. This happens to every single thing I touch, and it?s all because I made the choice to stop watching porn.

I?ve never been happier.
[NSFW] [humor] [+10 Funny]
[by KingPellinore@4:13pmGMT]

Comments

damnit said @ 7:43pm GMT on 21st Jul [Score:3 Informative]
In other news. North Korea totally won the FIFA World Cup. China also participated.

North Korea is BEST Korea! Thanks Dear Leader!

(0:43 second mark shows the tally)

Ankylosaur said @ 7:52pm GMT on 21st Jul [Score:1 Funny]
Poop to Sunday! Poop to Sunday! Poop to every Sunday for ever more!
bltrocker said @ 9:36pm GMT on 21st Jul
Wow. They let Germany and Brazil each score a goal on them? Pleb fucking casuals.
Ankylosaur said @ 10:21pm GMT on 21st Jul
They were distracted by a unicorn.

It has since been shot.
bltrocker said @ 11:12pm GMT on 21st Jul
Also, if anyone didn't know by now, the video is satire.
http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/statements/2014/jul/17/blog-posting/blog-says-north-korea-told-its-people-their-team-m/
angedelamort said @ 11:25pm GMT on 21st Jul [Score:1 Sad]
I read: Why I Stopped Watching Porn And why you shouldn't.

actually I stopped after many years, not because it's good for you but because I became bored.
satanspenis666 said @ 2:35am GMT on 22nd Jul
When masturbation's lost its fun
You're fucking lonely
mechavolt said @ 5:13pm GMT on 21st Jul
sanepride said @ 5:32pm GMT on 21st Jul
Yeah, very funny.
Y'know what? I still fapped to them.
GordonGuano said @ 6:03pm GMT on 21st Jul
Commenting on the superficiality of Web-based infotainment and the pathetic ways "content" providers try to steer eyeballs is proving to be a deeper vein than I imagined.
vintuk said @ 8:15pm GMT on 21st Jul
stop watching porn? please I fapped to this article
shiftace said @ 11:19pm GMT on 21st Jul
And that is why you can't see the angels screaming in agony with your third eye.
Onix said @ 3:19am GMT on 22nd Jul
No fapping? A state of illumination? Nirvana? Sounds like a great trade for that prostate cancer thing you are not preventing anymore ;).
devilsad said @ 9:38pm GMT on 24th Jul
You know what is a bigger challenge than not masturbating to porn?

ALWAYS masturbating to porn. And the effects are incredible.

After just one week I am coated in a thin layer of sweat and dust which forms a protective and insulating barrier, meaning I no longer need to wear clothes. The blisters on my hand have merged together into one large pad of pleasurable joy, and can also be tapped for extra lube. I've built up a deep and meaningful understanding with the pizza delivery guy, where he drops the pizza on the doormat and I throw his money out of the crack of the door with the chain on. My previously irritating boss has become much more pleasant and is no longer calling me every half-hour. All in all, my life has improved in leaps and bounds and of course, the never-ending stream of orgasms isn't bad either!

The only down side is that now only donkey-fucking midget fisters with shitting dick-nipples gets me off in a timely manner, and I've seen all of those videos multiple times. If anyone knows where you can find nipple-fucking dick fisters with shitting donkey midgets, let me know.

Post a comment
[note: if you are replying to a specific comment, then click the reply link on that comment instead]

You must be logged in to comment on posts.



Posts of Import
Karma
SE v2 Closed BETA
First Post
Subscriptions and Things

Karma Rankings
ScoobySnacks
HoZay
Paracetamol
lilmookieesquire
Ankylosaur