Tuesday, 18 May 2021

Hot Take: Fake Orgasms *Do* Have Their Place in the Bedroom

quote [ Sex educators share the super-valid reasons a person may benefit from faking it. ]

We should also probably take it less personally if we find out our partners do it.
[SFW] [health] [+1 Informative]
[by LaceInvader@9:52pmGMT]

Comments

Dienes said[1] @ 1:17pm GMT on 19th May [Score:4 Underrated]
Faking orgasms for reason #3 is exactly why faking orgasms leads to shitty sex later on. Because its not actually about our pleasure, its about the delicate, labor-intensive dance of assuaging the male ego. Article needs to make up its mind about whether its a good idea or a bad one.

I only faked it with one partner, and that was because he proved himself completely unable to take direction or feedback. I'd say, "Please don't claw at my clit like a cat at a scratching post, try it like this instead..." or "I am not going to come from you twisting my boobs like a part-time DJ, let me show you how to really get me going..." and he'd stop and correct me.

Reveal
Before you start, No, I didn't say it like that, you idiots.


While he'd stop if I asked, faking it was the only way to get him to stop that didn't lead to hours or days of pouting because his ego was so bruised by "you don't know what a woman likes better than she does". No, the relationship did not work out. My experience is far, far from unique. If anything, I'm unusually lucky in how rare it was.

Women are raised with the expectation that men can and will be violent/abusive if rejected, and some men take lack of orgasm as a rejection or critique of their manhood. If men want genuine orgams from their partners, they need to be willing to listen, take feedback, let things go, etc. Faking orgasms can be done for the person's own pleasure, sure, but in a lot of cases, its a defensive tactic.
steele said @ 1:29pm GMT on 19th May
I am not going to come from you twisting my boobs like a part-time DJ

Sounds like he wasn't doing it right. Did he make the 'wicka wicka' sounds? That's crucial! ;)
5th Earth said @ 3:32pm GMT on 19th May [Score:3 Underrated]
Fun(?) fact: I, as a man, have faked an orgasm. I imagine this is a rare scenario, since this there are only some limited circumstances in which this is even physically possible, but I've done it.

Simply put, she had already reached orgasm and was getting into the "okay I'm too sensitive please stop now" phase, but she still wanted me to get off too because she likes it. I could tell I wasn't going to get there in a physically comfortable length of time, so I faked it. Nobody was doing anything "wrong" per se, I just wasn't there yet on this occasion. So for her benefit I put on a show. I've done it a couple times, basically always under those circumstances.

So I 100% understand how this *can* be done in a positive manner that advances everyone's enjoyment. But I also agree there's a huge, major, giant slippery slope in there, especially if it's out of self-defense or as means of avoiding communication.
steele said @ 4:19pm GMT on 19th May
Same. Sometimes you just gotta diplomatically call it quits.
Headlessfriar said @ 9:50pm GMT on 19th May
I can relate.
rylex said @ 10:05pm GMT on 18th May
Just more proof that women are willing to lie right to your face
cb361 said @ 10:31pm GMT on 18th May
smoki said @ 10:27pm GMT on 19th May
Oh please, of course there is a role for it, otherwise people wouldn't be doing for millennia. Don't you think each individual has the capacity to judge in their own circumstance, whether it is beneficial or not?

Please stop making the orgasm this holy grail that everyone should have all the time. Or that you need to have a discussion every time it doesn't happen.

There are many white lies that make living in society bearable, and faked orgasm is just one of them. Not always good, not always terrible.

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