Friday, 26 October 2018

Halloween candy, ranked

quote [ 27 treats, ranked from best to worst (a.k.a. Tootsie rolls). ]

I'm excited for this to be the most heated debate on SE to date. Also curious what the Troll Brigade will bring to this!

My Thoughts:
Twizzlers: the perfect candy for someone who would like to feel the thrill of chewing on a candle. - Well, that's not wrong.

Also, 3 Musketeers being so high... like... Anyone with a giant bowl of candy in their office will only have one thing left.

Milky Way over snickers? What?

I'm less upset with is near the top that's... fine. If you love KitKats, sure. But I'm upset that objectively not great stuff is so high. Like, who the fuck wants jolly ranchers for Halloween?

Sure, in school, trading for brownies or something
But if someone were to drop a jolly rancher in my bag? Fuck you dude.
Like, holy shit, I lost my balls if I got a box of nerds. Are you serious?
"I'll trade you for your nerds?" "Ok, give me all the rest of your candy."

Candy corn? Yeah... I like my fucking diseases given to me sexually not via candy, thanks bro.

I'll give them Raisinets. I used to like Raisinets. Then I had real chocolate covered raisins. Now see #twizzler

Anyway... do add your opinions and feel free to disagree with me and be wrong.
[SFW] [politics] [+2]
[by conception@5:19pmGMT]

Comments

arrowhen said @ 5:56pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:3]
I got a rock.
backSLIDER said[1] @ 7:24pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:2]
Alright here we go:
Cow Tales; What the hell are these? I've never had them and I can't remember ever hearing about them.
Starburst, Gummy Bears, Sour Patch Kids, Laffy Taffy, Mike and Ike; Lets get a little fruit flavor to brake things up. I'm going to be picking this out of my teeth for hours.
Twizzlers, Tootsie Rolls, Nestle Crunch, Raisinets; These are the imposter candies that are poor imitations of good candy. The chocolate is waxy and the fruit flavors are lame.
Smarties, Nerds, Jolly Ranchers, Pixie Sticks; This is just straight sugar. Sometimes you just want to main line it.
Now we are into Prime Time Candies™
Almond Joy, Mounds; Your dad likes coconut and this is all he eats so he doesn't have to fight over candy. Good times.
Kit Kat, Twix, Reese's PB Cups, Butterfingers, York Peppermint Pattys; Still has waxy chocolate but the filling makes up for it. This is the B team.
M&Ms, Hersheys Kisses, Hershey Minis; Straight Chocolate, these have the better chocolate but not much else going on with them.
Milky Way, Snickers, 3 Musketeers; The big three, these are the best of the best. Good chocolate, good stuff inside.
Candy Corn; This is trash candy, what are you even doing with your life?
EDIT: My wife said I'm going to sleep on the couch for not putting Swedish Fish in. They are also trash candy but for some reason she likes them. Where did you even find those? Why did you order a whole case on amazon?!
mechanical contrivance said @ 7:17pm GMT on 27th Oct
Swedish Fish are great and don't you forget it.
rylex said @ 11:29pm GMT on 27th Oct
Lets not forget jujubes
mechanical contrivance said @ 12:30am GMT on 29th Oct
I had forgotten jujubes.
Ankylosaur said @ 5:27pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Balls Nasty ]
I like candy corn. It tastes good, the white parts have a more crystalline texture than the rest which is fun to bite into, and you can stick them on your upper canines and pretend you are a candy dracula.
Ankylosaur said @ 5:31pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Balls Nasty ]
Also, I like trying to peel the chocolate off of 3 Musketeers in whole panels. You can't do that with it's evolved forms (Milky Way and Snickers).
conception said @ 6:26pm GMT on 26th Oct
I like candy corn. But if you give to me while trick or treating, I'm going to burn down your house.
mechanical contrivance said @ 7:14pm GMT on 27th Oct
The pumpkins are better than the corn.
lilmookieesquire said @ 6:16pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Underrated]
The only acceptable jolly ranch was, is, and forever shall be: sour apple.
steele said @ 6:40pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Balls Nasty ]
Watermelon! Fuck you!
arrowhen said @ 7:11pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Good]
Cinnamon Fire or GTFO!
steele said @ 7:16pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Balls Nasty ]
arrowhen has been banned for this comment.
TM said @ 7:24pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 laz0r]
Screw this nonsense. At my house, you get CHOCOLATE. If you're a surly teen mutely holding out a grubby pillowcase, you get one Hershey's miniature. If you're obviously a tween and show any enthusiasm at all, in your attitude or costume, you get a handful of Hershey's miniatures. (MY handful, which is a lot.) If you're under 10, without enthusiasm, you get 1 full-sized Hershey bar. Show enthusiasm, you get 2. Maybe 3. And if you're so young you are trick-or-treating in a stroller, a baby-carrier or holding an older person's hand, you get a GIGANTIC Hershey bar.

Oh, and I tend to slip the full-sized bars to moms and dads too. I been there.

My house has never been egged and I don't expect it ever will be.
backSLIDER said @ 7:36pm GMT on 26th Oct
I live in townhouses. (think condos with less space). The lights are automatic and the owners association doesn't let you do real decorating. If you knock on my door you are going to be the only one. Be prepared to get half the bowl of "fun size" candy. This year that means 20-30 fun size snickers. Also diabetes.
conception said @ 9:30pm GMT on 26th Oct
I just want to throw out, if you want to get to the real stuff, get the Dove miniatures. They are magic. Complete with middle aged Pinterestesque platitudes on the wrappers.
spaceloaf said @ 8:10pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Underrated]
I don't understand how Snickers can be lower than Milky Way.

Snickers is a car with all 4 wheels. 3 Musketeers and Milky Way are cars with 3 wheels. Yes, they are technically functional, but you would be crazy to prefer a 3-wheeled car to a 4-wheeled one.
mechanical contrivance said @ 7:17pm GMT on 27th Oct
I don't like peanuts.
Ankylosaur said @ 8:53pm GMT on 26th Oct [Score:1 Insightful]
While not on the list, I feel that Take 5 has supplanted Snickers as the prestige American candy bar. However, I take issue with its name: you can't count peanuts and peanut butter as separate ingredients, when the latter is just the former pulverized with sugar. It should really be called Take 4.5, at best.
ubie said @ 1:18am GMT on 27th Oct
Take 5: I do like them, a lot. However with black packaging I always assume it is dark chocolate, only to tear open the wrapper and be disappointed. Every. Damn. Time.
mechanical contrivance said @ 7:25pm GMT on 27th Oct [Score:1 Insightful]
My mom's whole side of the family loves Twizzlers even though they're made of wax. I'll take anything made of chocolate except the ones with peanuts. Some of the fruit flavored ones are ok. Starbust may as well be made of alum. Do not mix chocolate and fruit. It's one or the other. Coconut isn't food and should be banned by the FDA. Pixie Stix are great because they come with their own straw. All you need is the mirror and razor blade.
cb361 said @ 5:35pm GMT on 26th Oct
Jolly Jellies. The co-op sold them for a year or two in the mid-1980s, and they cost 25p a bag.
EvilNinjaX24 said @ 8:23pm GMT on 26th Oct
All I want are Milky Ways, Snickers, and Reese's. Maybe the occasional (American) Smartie, just for variety. Basically, just give me the damn chocolate. (I used to desire Skittles, but then they fucked it all up by replacing the lime flavor with sour apple. Motherfuckers.)
C18H27NO3 said @ 9:24pm GMT on 26th Oct
FUck. How many years do I have to endure this bullshit? Seriously?

Same with elections. Total bullshit. No wonder charades is so fucking popular.

Get the fuck off my lawn, and fuck off with your capitalist bullshit.
conception said @ 9:33pm GMT on 26th Oct
Now we're talkin'!
C18H27NO3 said @ 10:53pm GMT on 26th Oct
I was going for funny.

Anyway, I've just discovered Nerds.

A fancy way to re-purpose left over bits at the end of the production line.
Hugh E. said @ 1:11am GMT on 27th Oct [Score:1 Funny]
LOLZ!!1!
[deletes three paragraph-long comment agreeing with your take]

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