I come home and dinner IS PIZZA!?!?!?!?!

GET IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

This article could have used an editor.

Frozen pizza is too salty.

Ok, here's the thing. This otherwise excellent article professes to be a history of frozen pizza but it omits mention of one of frozen pizza's darkest days.

In Canada diGiorno pizzas are called Delissio but are the exact same product. And like diGiorno, Delissio pizzas fall into the "meh, not that bad for frozen" category.

But some years back Delissio sold a Garlic-Crust Bruschetta frozen pizza that was really, really good. Not quite as good as sex (unless you count awkward, nervous high-school sex) but genuinely enjoyable without having to remind yourself that it's a $6 frozen product.

Then they stopped. I haven't seen a Delissio Garlic-Crust Bruschetta pizza in years.

In the history of frozen pizza that is a goddamn war crime.

Iceland, the British grocery chain used to sell a very thin frozen pizza flatbread, with lumps of garlic butter, that melted all over the tomatoey topping when you baked it. And they cost £1 each. And then they stopped.

bastards

I like to call eating Red Baron frozen pizza "dining with the Baron".

I would have assumed that "dining with the Baron" was a euphemism for experiencing menstruation.

No, that's "decanting the claret."