Tuesday, 26 December 2017

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

quote [ If it’s Christmas, it must be time to learn what America shoved inside itself. The only worthwhile holiday tradition pushes on.

“WAS DRINKING WITH FRIENDS AND ‘GOT TO EXPERIMENTING,’ AIR FRESHENER CONTAINER STUCK IN ANUS” ]

This is an ongoing series, with no end in sight.

As always, feel free to share your personal experiences.


#humor
#do it yourSElf
#ask SE
[NSFW] [health] [+9 Funny]
[by HoZay@9:24pmGMT]

Comments

Headlessfriar said @ 9:43pm GMT on 26th Dec [Score:1 Funsightful]
This and DJ Earworm are the new year's traditions I most look forward to.
steele said @ 9:56pm GMT on 26th Dec
I forgot about DJ Earworm! Sweet!
bbqkink said @ 10:02pm GMT on 26th Dec [Score:1 Informative]
Well it wasn't a rectum..but.

I was an army medic for those of you who didn't know I was the 11 to 7 shift at the dispensary in Germany. A couple came in and demanded to see the Doctor.
I explained there were no doctors in the building that at night i covered emergencies and call the doctor at home if I needed him. Again they said the needed the Dr.

I explained again as politely as possible that I took care of all emergencies and could they please tell what the problem was. This time the sergeant was more instinctive and demanded to see the Dr. I met his tone and explained that I was not going to wake up the Dr. after midnight to tell him someone wanted to chat, that they could either tell what the problem was or come back in in the morning.

They look at each other and then sheepishly told me that she had something stuck in her vagina...so after my best effort to keep from laughing told them I would indeed call the Dr..

Seems that Avon made a cologne bottle shaped like a Bishop off a chess board and it just happened to be on the night stand at just the right moment...and in the heat of the moment the top came unscrewed and got lodged higher that either one of them could reach.
Hugh E. said @ 1:30am GMT on 27th Dec
Most importantly, congratulations to this couple on those Kegels.

But I'm wondering why a medical doctorate would be necessary to remedy this situation.
bbqkink said[1] @ 2:48am GMT on 27th Dec
Just a long pair of forceps and access to the vagina.
machpi said @ 6:56pm GMT on 28th Dec
Landstuhl?
bbqkink said @ 8:54pm GMT on 28th Dec
New Ulm
captainstubing said @ 1:31am GMT on 27th Dec [Score:1 Underrated]
A good friend of mine is an anaesthetist and a few years back he told the story of wandering into work to find some guy sedated and up in stirrups with a whole gaggle of doctors poking his arse with various utensils. It turns out the guy had a perfume bottle stuck up his clacker and they were trying to get it out.

He noted that there were a few unusual combinations of specialities huddled around - folks from the bottom department, folks from the baby-having area, and a bunch of the simply curious. Try as they might no one could wiggle it out, of get sufficient purchase on it with tongs or whatever to pull it out. It was decided that surgery was required. My pal did the anaesthetist role for the surgery.

The surgery itself proved to be tricky - cutting around dirt stars is said to be a bit dodgy - and the recovery is often slowed with infections and so on. The surgery was not a minor issue at all. Anyhow, they all expressed surprise when they saw the bottle. It was really chunky and quite squat. Not the sort you would think would be your first choice for back door shenanigans. The name of the perfume? Euphoria for Men.

It's funnier when my pal tells it.
cb361 said[1] @ 9:35pm GMT on 26th Dec
Interesting that a rectum takes either 3 AA batteries , 2 AAA batteries or just one one D battery.
rylex said @ 12:24am GMT on 27th Dec
Yeah, you would figure it's more a 9v type of situation
SnappyNipples said @ 10:47pm GMT on 26th Dec
Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work.
Mythtyn said @ 1:08am GMT on 27th Dec
Little Johnnie's teacher asked him how his weekend was.

"Horrible, a car hit my dog in the ass," he said.

She said, "Rectum."

"Wrecked him?" Johnnie said. "Damn near killed him!"
Jack Blue said @ 7:36am GMT on 27th Dec
ONE MAGNET IN EACH NOSTRIL
That is a good username, should I need a new one.
steele said @ 5:42pm GMT on 4th Jan

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