Wednesday, 6 December 2017

I Made My Shed the Top Rated Restaurant On TripAdvisor

quote [ In that moment, it became my mission. With the help of fake reviews, mystique and nonsense, I was going to do it: turn my shed into London's top-rated restaurant on TripAdvisor. ]

I encourage ceaseless trolling of these sites.
[SFW] [Virtual & Augmented Reality] [+10 Funny]
[by foobar@5:39pmGMT]


mego said @ 7:54pm GMT on 6th Dec [Score:4 Interesting]
Great read, and fucking truth. I'm an executive chef (for the remainder of the year, then I'm getting out of the industry) in a tourist town, and fake reviews are pretty much par for the course. Gotta pull in Chicago dollars, and even an extra half-star from paid reviews (or reviews by owner/management sock puppets) is a great way to get yourself included in those top ten search results.

Somewhat related, yesterday an "article" about my restaurant was published on (social media clickbait) by a Michigan based contributor. Titled "We've Found the Most Stunning Restaurant in Michigan and You'll Want to Visit", which is incredibly flattering, but I'm leaning towards the idea that the author has never eaten here. The photos were all taken from Facebook, the food shown is years old from the previous chef, and some of the wording is suspiciously similar to those found on the restaurants website.

It would be nice to believe that the person is being sincere, maybe they ate here over the summer, enjoyed it but didn't take any photos, then pulled an article about it out of their ass to meet a deadline/quota/whatever... but it's far more likely that the author just saw some pictures of the restaurant, thought it was a really cool old timey building (it is) in a quaint little town, and went from there.
hellboy said @ 3:29am GMT on 7th Dec [Score:3 WTF]
TripAdvisor, which covered up rape reports at resorts, deserves to get punked like this.
cb361 said @ 6:28pm GMT on 7th Dec
By this time next year, Richard Curtis will have made a film out of this, starring High Grant.
foobar said @ 7:09pm GMT on 7th Dec
Please don't fix this typo.
cb361 said @ 8:35pm GMT on 7th Dec
In order to impress Irish-American actress turned NHS nurse, Emma Watson, High Grant (shit! I did it again) pretends to run an exclusive botique restaurant in Shoreditch, and has to invent ever more over-the-top online reviews. The enforced exclusivity drives demand, and events race out of control. Emma begs for Hugh's help in soliciting a massive donation from wealthy, snarky philanthropist Roawan Atwinkin by entertaining him at the fictional restaurant, and Hugh agrees. This culminates in raucous sex. Fortunately Hugh's band of wacky Shoreditch friends rally round to prepare rubbish food and pretend to be waiters, cooks and guests. It seems about to pay off, when suddenly hundreds of rabid diners sweep through, driven mad by the temptation of the non-existent restaurant, destroying everything in their path. Later, Hugh walks away from the distaster through the dark streets of Shoreditch, to find Emma learning against a wall, eating the dreadful chocolate-mousse that Hugh himself prepared earlier, in some sort of emotional call-back. They exit, hand in hand.

Seriously, this crap writes itself.
mechanical contrivance said @ 8:52pm GMT on 7th Dec
I wish it wouldn't.
cb361 said @ 9:05pm GMT on 7th Dec
I forgot to mention that it's Christmas.
mechanical contrivance said @ 9:32pm GMT on 7th Dec
Emma Watson is 27 and Hugh Grant is 57. Maybe it should be...(damn, I can't even name any young actors) the kid who played the sparkly vampire.
cb361 said @ 9:52pm GMT on 7th Dec [Score:2]
I don't think I want to watch Hugh Grant fucking him.
mechanical contrivance said @ 9:54pm GMT on 7th Dec
Then just read the fan fiction.
Abdul Alhazred said @ 10:12pm GMT on 8th Dec
Goddammit. I travel a lot and depend a lot on TripAdvisor and such. Shit like this pisses me off, including the fake reviews/rankings. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but dammit, this is why we can't have nice things...
mechanical contrivance said @ 11:19pm GMT on 8th Dec
The large number of liars and assholes in the world is why we can't have nice things.

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