Wednesday, 15 November 2017

Cards Against Humanity Saves America

quote [ There’s no time for questions—now is the time to act. You give us $15, and we’ll send six America-saving surprises right to your doorstep. It will be fun, it will be weird, and if you voted for Trump, you might want to sit this one out. ]

And revolt against the evil
[SFW] [games] [+7 Hot Pr0n]
[by ScoobySnacks@12:02amGMT]

Comments

bbqkink said @ 2:03am GMT on 15th Nov [Score:1 Good]
ooo[......7 said @ 3:14am GMT on 15th Nov
Cant wait to own a piece.

I'll add it to my other real estate investments including (and limited to) a piece of a small island.
Mythtyn said[1] @ 12:23am GMT on 15th Nov
Lol. I just put this in the chat box a little while ago. I'm in for 1.

Edit: ok.. i said xmas deal, which was probably not the most apt description. Its what they did for xmas time a couple times.
Dienes said[1] @ 2:53pm GMT on 26th Dec [Score:1 Informative]
Day 5 came in a few days ago but I was distracted with Christmas stuff. It was a very 'light' one compared to the previous.
Reveal

-A letter explaining they conducted, and will continue to conduct, monthly public opinion polls that adhere to quality polling practices as much as possible. They also encourage scientists to submit questions they want to ask but could never get through an IRB, so this is the first time I'm jealous of social scientists.
-A booklet of their current statistically significant findings. You can read this, and future results, at https://thepulseofthenation.com/.
-Three new Black cards: "Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by _____", "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ___", and "Cry havoc and let slip ____."
-Three new White cards: "Taking a minute to really unpack what Shakespear is getting at in this scene", "The significance of eyes in King Lear", and "Speaking in iambic pentameter."


Fun fact: "Is rap music?" is probably the best first date question ever, if you want something more innocuous than "Did you fucking vote for Trump?"
Mythtyn said @ 11:52pm GMT on 26th Dec
Mine have all been the same as yours so far.
Dienes said @ 12:43am GMT on 15th Nov
I'm in, too. Can't wait.
eggboy said @ 1:05am GMT on 15th Nov
Cool.
I'm not American so I can't participate, keep us updated on what you get will you?
Dienes said[1] @ 12:32am GMT on 1st Dec [Score:3 Informative]
Got Day 1 in the mail today. Contents:
Reveal

-1 Letter from CAH explaining they have purchased a plot of land on the US-Mexico border
-1 Letter from the legal team on retainer to defend against any and all attempts to build a wall on that land
-1 Certificate certifying that I have helped purchase .000667% of the plot of land
-1 Poster illustration of the plot of land. Fun fact: Mexico has a dragon.
-1 new Black card: "They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are ______."
-5 new White cards: Mexicans and Muslims. Our dumb asshole president. how easy it is to climb over a wall with a ladder. Getting deported. Guacamole.
Dienes said @ 12:53am GMT on 5th Dec [Score:3]
Got Day 2 in the mail today. Contents:
Reveal

-A letter about a podcast they are launching that will provide factual news that is not depressing, called the Good News Podcast. I will give this a listen.
-Stickers from said podcast (no idea what I will do with these)
-6 new white cards with adorable things: a laundry basket full of bunnies, a stack of puppies in a trench coat, two baby otters holding hands, two hamsters nibbling on a tiny burrito, a baby panda that just can't keep its eyes open, and A really good dog.

So far my biggest thought is its nice to get something that isn't junkmail or bills.
Dienes said @ 11:55pm GMT on 8th Dec [Score:3]
Day 3 arrived today. For context, when you signed up for this, you had to complete an in-depth survey that included age, gender, income, education, profession, food preferences, health, etc.

Reveal

-A letter that read:
"in order to deliver on our promise to save America, we knew we needed to tackle our country's biggest issue: wealth inequality. The richest 0.1% of Americans have as much wealth as the bottom 90%.

Our lawyers wouldn't let us pursue our first choice - a campaign to eat all the rich people and live in their houses - so we settled for something more achievable. Today, Cards Against Humanity has redistributed your wealth.

Using the survey you filled out when you signed up, we identified the 100 poorest recipients and sent them each a check for $1000. To see how this $1000 is impacting these peoples lives, read their stories at https://cardsagainsthumanityredistributesyourwealth.com/. The next 10,000 poorest recipients got a $15 refund check.

You got nothing. And if you don't like it, tough titties."

This is not entirely true. There were two new cards in the envelope as well:
-A black card that read "Oh shit! I just got _____."
-A white card that read "My money stolen by Cards Against Humanity and redistributed to people poorer than me."


The letter made me laugh out loud and I've been enjoying reading the stories online. This would be my favorite letter of the day if I didn't also get a letter from the provost congratulating me on entering candidacy today.
HoZay said @ 12:31am GMT on 9th Dec
Go Dienes!
steele said @ 12:51am GMT on 9th Dec
Congrats, Dienes!
eggboy said @ 11:40pm GMT on 9th Dec
I don't know what provost means but well done
Dienes said @ 11:16pm GMT on 12th Dec [Score:3]
Thanks for the congrats! I get a good 3.5 week winter break, and I think I'm going to sleep through it entirely. Just got the 4th letter today. Contents:

Reveal

-A letter from CAH saying they are taking a hard stance against homework for elementary school children. You can donate money to fund projects providing alternatives at www.DonorsChoose.org/CAH-homework , and CAH will match donations up to $100k.
-A letter from vice president of the Chicago Children's Museum explaining why homework is not a good idea for elementary children, with citations. There were a few by Alfie Kohn, which had me gagging a little, but the other citations were good and results solid - homework is terrible for small children (or at least the way homework is being done right now).
-3 small thank-you letters from children beneficiaries of the projects above
-1 new black card: "When asked about the biggest threat facing the nation, 60% of Americans said ____."
-5 new white cards: The truth, White people becoming a minority, A gay Republican somehow, Slowly shaking my head at a sad statistic, and The shocking stupidity of the American public.
Dienes said @ 11:46pm GMT on 27th Dec [Score:2 Informative]
Day 6 arrived today.

Reveal

-A letter reminding us that baseball is boring and explaining that CAH bought naming rights to a minor league stadium, home of the Joliet Slammers.
-A poster with a diagram of the stadium
-A ticket voucher for a home game for the Joliet Slammers
-22 Joliet Slammers baseball cards, with critical stats such as favorite Nic Cage movie, nipple diameter, and hotness. Hotness values appear to be accurate.
-2 new Black cards: "You see, so, baseball is like ___. Don't overthink it." and "We want a pitcher, not _______!"
-4 new White cards: "Lou Gehrig's Disease", "Teaching my son to love the Red Sox and hate minorities.", "Yelling 'I got it, I got it!'", "My drunk father screaming from the bleachers."
https://cardsagainsthumanitysavesbaseball.com/


I kinda wish the redistributing wealth day and this day were swapped, since redistributing wealth was my favorite day and this was slightly anti-climatic. But overall, felt I got my meager money's worth.

On an unrelated note, anyone near Illinois that wants a free ticket to a baseball game?
steele said[1] @ 1:47am GMT on 15th Nov
nevermind. :D
Mythtyn said[1] @ 1:54am GMT on 15th Nov [Score:1 Informative]
No spoiler. Its on the front page of the website you order through:

"Donald Trump is a preposterous golem who is afraid of Mexicans. He is so afraid that he wants to build a twenty-billion dollar wall that everyone knows will accomplish nothing. So we’ve purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built.

On Day 1, all Cards Against Humanity Saves America recipients will get an illustrated map of the land, a certificate of our promise to fight the wall, some new cards, and a few other surprises."
steele said @ 2:03am GMT on 15th Nov
nevermind. :D
ooo[......7 said @ 3:15am GMT on 15th Nov
holy hell, it was at 5k left now its just under 1k
gendo666 said[1] @ 5:43am GMT on 15th Nov
As a foreign interest I have Putin'ed my way into 2 shares of this.
One mine, the other a shadowy lurker who shall remain nameless...
As they might see this somewhere.

Also, Sold out now.
Well that was faster than "Project Hole"
cb361 said[1] @ 9:34am GMT on 15th Nov
As a young child my parents took me to visit their friends in Devon, who lived in a converted railway station and only had gas. I still remember sleeping in a guest room with my brother, and my mother coming in to turn down the gas lights on the wall to the lowest level, but not turning them off entirely.

As a young teenager I remember hearing that they were trying to prevent their home being knocked down to build a motorway by selling tiny parcels of their land to as many people as possible. I think my Dad bought a square foot for each of us.

As an adult I have driven through Devon on a convenient motorway.
Mythtyn said @ 2:02pm GMT on 15th Nov
An they're gone. Sold out.

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